Missed Opportunity

I'm just a regular guy and opportunity texted me, tweeted me, linked to me, friended me, blogged me, and spammed me. I missed it because I was expecting a knock!

Affordable Care Act

I'm just a regular guy studying the Affordable Care Act. I was surprised to read that you are no longer allowed to throw your back out...you have to recycle it.

National Public Television

I'm just a regular guy and I love National Public Televison. Last night I watched a factual documentary based on a fictional account of a true story that never happened.

Victim

I'm just a regular guy who knows that heat makes things expand. Therefore, I am not overweight, I'm a victim of global warming.

Donut Holes

I'm just a regular guy with this dietary tip: The healthiest part of a donut is the hole. Unfortunately, you have to eat through the rest of the donut to get there!

Inspiration

I'm just a regular guy, and for inspiration for my new diet, I placed a photo of myself on the corner of my computer screen. It was taken when I was thin and had a lot of hair. I think it was during my Mom's second trimester.

Pill Regimen

I'm just a regular guy starting a new regimen of pills today - 3 of them as a matter of fact. My doctor said they were necessary for my continued health. One blocks fat, one blocks carbs, and one blocks the refrigerator door.

High Tech Gear

I'm just a regular guy and I would climb the highest mountain and swim the deepest ocean for my dear Janet...as long as she would let me buy a bunch of cool high-tech gear for the trip.

Artichoke Heart

I'm just a regular guy reading the new medical guidelines under The Affordable Care Act. My insurance company will still pay for a transplant, but only if the surgeon uses an artichoke heart.

Financial Woes

I'm just a regular guy and I think I've discovered the source of our financial woes. We earn money 5 day a week, but we spend money 7 days a week.

Eating Peas

I'm just a regular guy who tricked his dog into taking his medicine by hiding it in a ball of cheese. Come to think about it, that's how my dear Janet gets me to eat peas!

Missing Socks

I'm just a regular guy and, man-o-man, did I have a weird dream last night. I dreamed I had a "near-death" experience. As I floated closer and closer to "the light," all my missing socks were there to greet me!

Hi-Def

I'm just a regular guy and I LOVE our new Hi-Def TV. Everything looks so clear, bright, and sharp...except politicians!

iPhone Six Plus

I'm just a regular guy thrilled with my new iPhone 6+. Yesterday I sent a photo to a friend, bought some music from the iTunes store, watched a movie, downloaded a book, trimmed my sideburns, and blended a smoothie.

iPhone Six Plus

I'm just a regular guy and I LOVE my new iPhone 6+. It really helps with productivity - especially when I turn it off.

Mental Health

I'm just a regular guy doing my best to stay healthy. I'm doing a little weights for muscular health, a little cardio for heart health, and a whole lot of chocolate for mental health!

Deflated Footballs

I'm just a regular guy with an important announcement: Did you know that SuperBowl Sunday is the 2nd largest "food day" on our calendars? It's 2nd only to Thanksgiving. So, while we may see some deflated footballs on Sunday, I doubt we'll see many deflated stomachs!

Award

I'm just a regular guy, happy to have received the "Employee of the Nano-Second" Award. It was great while it lasted.

Veterinarian Visit

I'm just a regular guy and I won't be as busy as a bee, as silent as a lamb, as eager a beaver, as sly as a fox, swimming with the sharks, flying with the eagles or dancing with the wolves until I've been thoroughly checked out by my veterinarian.

Fun Times

I'm just a regular guy and we have some friends coming over tonight for an evening of fun. We plan to ignore each other and stare at our iPhones while texting other friends.

Fruits and Veggies

I'm just a regular guy and I want to eat more fruits and vegetables. But I looked it up and, sure enough, they are not covered in the Affordable Care Act.

Diet Pizza

I'm just a regular guy whose wife has an awesome sense of humor. Last night she asked what I'd like for dinner and I told her pizza. After a little bit she yelled, "Come and get it!" When I got to the table, there was a salad. I asked, "What is that?" My dear Jan — "Cucumber slices instead of pepperoni, dressing instead of cheese, lettuce instead of crust...it's a diet pizza!"

Bigger Portions

I'm just a regular guy trying to psych myself out for a new diet. Yesterday I printed the monthly recipes with an extra large font. That way, the portions looked bigger.

My Favorite Vegetable

I'm just a regular guy and I've discovered that tapioca is my new favorite vegetable. I didn't know it was a vegetable until the other day when my dear Jan and I went to the Souplantation for lunch. There it was, right in the middle of the salad bar!

Foreign Oil

I'm just a regular guy and I've stopped using Italian dressing. I'm trying to reduce America's dependence on foreign oil.

Vegetarian Diet

I'm just a regular guy and I think there is one place where a vegetarian diet would be the most effective...Congress. Especially when the bill they pass is full of pork.

Buckets of Money

I'm just a regular guy and the reason I never made "buckets of money" is the companies I worked for never gave me a bucket.

Motivational Seminar

I'm just a regular guy and last night, I went to the GREATEST motivational seminar I've ever been to. The speaker stood up and said, "If you're here tonight instead of at home on your sofa, you're already a motivated person and don't need me. Good night, and thanks for coming."

Road to Success

I'm just a regular guy who has spent many years on the "Road to Success" only to find out that I've been driving in the wrong direction.