Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Friday's Diet

I'm just a regular guy and I plan to eat everything I want tomorrow - it's Thanksgiving. Friday I plan to start 5 different diets at once. One of them is bound to work!

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

More Time

I'm just a regular guy and I don't need unlimited minutes...I need more time!

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Thanksgiving Prayer

Lord, make us grateful for the cholesterol, weight gain, and indigestion we are about to receive.

Hand Washing

I'm just a regular guy who thinks that employees should not only be required to wash their hands after using the bathroom, but they should also be required to take a polygraph test to prove they did.

Monday, November 18, 2013


I'm just a regular guy who has reached the age when I can no longer blame things on my parents. I guess I'll pass the blame to my computer or the government.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Thanksgiving - A Revised History

I'm just a regular guy with this updated history: 

On the first Thanksgiving, the Pilgrims went to an Indian casino for the all-you-can-eat buffet.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013


I'm just a regular guy and when it comes to marriage, I don't want a PRENUP, I want a WARRANTY!

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Virus Software

I'm just a regular guy who knows that Virus Software doesn't work. Stupidity isn't a virus.

Monday, November 11, 2013


I'm just a regular guy wondering if giving birth to a great idea qualifies for paid maternity leave.

Thursday, November 7, 2013


I'm just a regular guy and my favorite vegetable is pudding. I didn't know it was a vegetable until I saw it on a salad bar.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013


I'm just a regular guy who thinks about going on a long walk every morning. At least my brain is getting a little exercise.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013


I'm just a regular guy who thinks the best way to make money from the LOTTERY is to invest in the company that prints the tickets.