Friday, February 27, 2015

Hospital Food

I'm just a regular guy and, of course, hospital food is terrible. Who in their right mind would expect to eat like a King on merely $7,500 per day!

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Hip Replacement

I'm just a regular guy and I need hip replacement. I'm not nearly as hip as I used to be!

Wednesday, February 25, 2015


I'm just a regular guy who knows that life is a great teacher. Unfortunately, it gives way too many tests, and doesn't grade on the Bell-Curve.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015


I'm just a regular guy and I love new technology, but sometimes my learning curve is too slow. The other day I tried paying a bill using my new iPhone 6+ and accidentally paid $7605557425.

Monday, February 23, 2015


I'm just a regular guy and even after the grueling flight home from Israel, I was able to diagnose my computer problem: My SPILCHEK is suffering from exhaustion!

Tuesday, February 10, 2015


I'm just a regular guy and I've stopped adding ketchup to my fries. It's too much like cooking.

Monday, February 9, 2015

Financial Strategy

I'm just a regular guy with a short-term and long-term financial strategy. Short-term: keep a little of my paycheck until Tuesday. Long-term: keep a little of my paycheck until Friday.

Friday, February 6, 2015


I'm just a regular guy who is rich beyond his wildest dreams. Unfortunately, my dreams were never very wild.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Stocking Stuffer

I'm just a regular guy whose humor is not so much appreciated. Janet caught me wrapping her Christmas gift this year. It was a leg I got from a store that was getting rid of its mannequins. "What's that for," she blurted out. "It's a stocking stuffer!"

Global Warming Victim

I'm just a regular guy who knows that heat makes things expand. Therefore, I am not overweight, I'm a victim of global warming.

Donut Holes

I'm just a regular guy with this dietary tip: The healthiest part of a donut is the hole. Unfortunately, you have to eat through the rest of the donut to get there!

Diet Motivation

I'm just a regular guy, and for inspiration for my new diet, I placed a photo of myself on the corner of my computer screen. It was taken when I was thin and had a lot of hair. I think it was during my Mom's second trimester.

Internet Link

I'm just a regular guy and a friend of mine told me there was life beyond the Internet, and that I should check it out. I told him to send me a link.


I'm just a regular guy and today, I did something I haven't done in many years. I went to a large pool at our vacation resort [about 120 ft at its longest and 60 ft at its widest). I haven't done a lap in a pool since we sold our house in Escondido about 10 years ago. So I thought I'd give it a try on the long side of the pool. To my amazement, I was able to do 30 laps. It was so stimulating and satisfying, I've decided to get up early and do it again tomorrow. Accept tomorrow, I'll try to actually swim one of those laps!

Pill Regimen

I'm starting a new regimen of pills today - 3 of them as a matter of fact. My doctor said they were necessary for my continued health. One blocks fat, one blocks carbs, and one blocks the refrigerator door.

High-Tech Gear

I'm just a regular guy and I would climb the highest mountain and swim the deepest ocean for my dear long as she would let me buy a bunch of cool high-tech gear for the trip.


I'm just a regular guy who will celebrate a 40th wedding anniversary in a few days. My dear Jan and I wanted to ensure our "until death do us part" promise. So we signed a PreNup guaranteeing that if we ever divorced, we'd get custody of each other.

Christmas Spirit

I'm just a regular guy with this helpful hint: If you keep the Christmas spirit in your heart throughout the year, there is less room for cholesterol.

New Affordable Care Act Guidelines

I'm just a regular guy reading the new medical guidelines under The Affordable Care Act. My insurance company will still pay for a transplant, but only if the surgeon uses an artichoke heart.

Financial Woes

I'm just a regular guy and I think I've discovered the source of our financial woes. We earn money 5 day a week, but we spend money 7 days a week.

Eat Your Peas!

I'm just a regular guy who tricked his dog into taking his medicine by hiding it in a ball of cheese. Come to think about it, that's how my dear Janet gets me to eat peas!

Weird Dream

I'm just a regular guy and, man-o-man, did I have a weird dream last night. I dreamed I had a "near-death" experience. As I floated closer and closer to "the light," all my missing socks were there to greet me!


I'm just a regular guy and I LOVE our new Hi-Def TV. Everything looks so clear, bright, and sharp...except politicians!

Remote Control

I'm just a regular guy with this new "Serenity Prayer" — God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...without a remote control.

iPhone 6+ Can Do It All

I'm just a regular guy thrilled with my new iPhone 6+. Yesterday I sent a photo to a friend, bought some music from the iTunes store, watched a movie, downloaded a book, trimmed my sideburns, and blended a smoothie.

Soul Searching

I'm just a regular guy and today I feel the need to do a little soul searching. Which do you think is best - Google, Yahoo, or Bing?


I'm just a regular guy and didn't realize how much I was into diversity. I just counted 25 different coffees for my Keurig.

Online Security

I'm just a regular guy who was warned this weekend [again] about online information security. I'm not worried in the slightest. I've encrypted all my files with my Captain Crunch Decoder Ring.

iPhone 6+

I'm just a regular guy and I LOVE my new iPhone 6+. It really helps with productivity - especially when I turn it off.

Cheating Diet

I'm just a regular guy on a diet that allows you to eat anything you want one day a week. The rest of the week I still eat anything I want, it's just not allowed.

Beatle's Workout

I'm just a regular guy getting in shape for all the walking we'll do on our trip to the Holy Land. I'm doing the Beatle's Workout - walking the long and winding road eight days a week.

Mental Health

I'm just a regular guy doing my best to stay healthy. I'm doing a little weights for muscular health, a little cardio for heart health, and a whole lot of chocolate for mental health!

History in the News

I'm just a regular guy and I've started only watching the History Channel. The news is much less depressing because I know we have already survived it!

What's In Your Wallet?

I'm just a regular guy with this ending to a modern-day fairytale: And they lived happily ever after...until the credit card bill arrived. What's in your wallet?

Deflated SuperBowl

I'm just a regular guy with an important announcement: Did you know that SuperBowl Sunday is the 2nd largest "food day" on our calendars? It's 2nd only to Thanksgiving. So, while we may see some deflated footballs on Sunday, I doubt we'll see many deflated stomachs!

Thin Man

I'm just a regular guy and there is a thin guy inside me just screaming to get out. No, wait...he's screaming for pizza!

Growing Older

I'm just a regular guy and of course I've gained a little weight. That's why they call it "growing" older!

Tired of Being Tired

I'm just a regular guy who wouldn't be so tired if I stopped wasting so much energy whining about how tired I am.

Health Department and FaceBook

I'm just a regular guy who thinks the Health Department should get involved with FaceBook. That way, they could give fines to anyone posting half-baked ideas.

Shades of Grey

I'm just a regular guy who thinks that One Shade of Grey is way too many.