Thursday, August 6, 2015

Virus-Free, Super-Fast Computer

I'm just a regular guy and, so far, I've kept my new computer safe, virus-free, and super fast. But one of these days, I'm going to have to plug it in.

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Soul Searching

I'm just a regular guy and I need to do a little soul searching this morning. Which is better: Google, Yahoo, or Bing?

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Slow Computer

I'm just a regular guy dealing with a very sluggish computer this morning. Must be all the spam and cookies.

Monday, July 27, 2015

Heartburn

I'm just a regular guy and according to the fine print of the Affordable Care Act, your health insurance no longer covers heartburn. That now requires fire insurance.

Friday, July 24, 2015

A Good Day

I'm just a regular guy and yesterday was a pretty good day. For a little while, my computer and I were functional at the same time.

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Religious Weather APP

I'm just a regular guy and I really like the new Religious Weather APP for my iPhone 6+. Today's forecast calls for a plague of locust and scattered showers of fire and brimstone!

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Slow Computer

I'm just a regular guy and I'm not saying my computer is old and slow, but today it took two minutes to download the electricity to turn on.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Math Problem

I'm just a regular guy and my grandson, just learning math, asked me if I knew what 1¢ + 1¢ =. I said, "Sure. Mathematically it's 2¢. Philosophically it's how the whole banking and Wall Street mess started."

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Smart Stuff

I'm just a regular guy and I think my SmartPhone, SmartTV, and SmartWatch are calling me "stupid" behind my back. 

Monday, July 6, 2015

Well Diversified

I'm just a regular guy with a well rounded retirement portfolio: 25% down the drain, 40% out the window, and 35% gone with the wind.

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Affordable Healthcare Act

I'm just a regular guy who has read the fine print of the Affordable Healthcare Act of America. I've got some good news and bad news for you. The bad news is that insurance companies are no longer required to pay for your healthcare. The good news is, if you get sick, they will send you a "Get Well Soon" card.

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

You Are What You Eat

I'm just a regular guy and if "You are what you eat" were true, I'd be thin like a french fry, not round like a head of lettuce.

Friday, June 26, 2015

Affordable Care Act

I'm just a regular guy and I just read that I have very limited coverage with the Affordable Care Act. Fortunately, my surgeon can do amazing things with nail clippers and duct tape.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

The Dollar

I'm just a regular guy with this economic news update. Already this week, the dollar is down against the Euro, Franc, Shekel, Yen and chocolate coins.

Friday, June 19, 2015

Clippers

I'm just a regular guy and I love modern gadgetry. Yesterday I bought bluetooth toenail clippers; they get FaceBook, check my eMails, and take photos. What do you mean, why do I need that?

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Family Relations

I'm just a regular guy and, for the most part, I get along well with my family. Right now, though, I'm having a terrible time with my motherboard.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Child APP

I'm just a regular guy and I can control my car with an APP on my phone. I can control the lights in my house with an App on my phone. I'm wondering if there is an APP that people could use to control their children in a grocery store!

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Garlic and Herbs

I'm just a regular guy and my doctor told me that garlic and herbs were helpful in lowering cholesterol. So last night I downed a bag of garlic and herb potato chips.

Monday, June 15, 2015

Late Night Texting

I'm just a regular guy wondering, when you are trying to fall asleep, do your thumbs feel like they are still texting?

Friday, June 12, 2015

Jurassic

I'm just a regular guy excitedly waiting to see Jurassic World. I hear they show a lot of things from that time period [145-201 Million BC]. Things like newspapers, vinyl records, landline telephones, and AM/FM stereo boomboxes.

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Smart Watch

I'm just a regular guy and I LOVE my new "smart watch." It lets me see what time it is without taking my phone out of my pocket.

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

File Dragging

I'm just a regular guy and I tried dragging a file to my desktop, but I can't get it to go past the edge of the monitor.

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Pacemaker and Pandora

I'm just a regular guy and I just read that Pandora is trying to merge with the largest pacemaker manufacturer. With every implant they promise you can have a song in your heart.

Monday, June 8, 2015

Retirement

I'm just a regular guy and I turned 65 about 3 weeks ago. I'm thinking of having my age legally changed to 25 so that I can start saving for my retirement.

Friday, June 5, 2015

Pacemaker

I'm just a regular guy who is in awe of new technology. I just read about a pacemaker that can download Apps for your liver, kidneys, lungs, and pancreas!

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Computer Skills

I'm just a regular guy and I wouldn't say my computer skills are outdated, I'd say they are classic.

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Age Discrimination

I'm just a regular guy and I want to upgrade from my old Pentium computer. But isn't that age discrimination?

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Bluetooth

I'm just a regular guy and I know that brushing and flossing help prevent gingivitis, but what can I do to prevent bluetooth?

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Missed Opportunity

I'm just a regular guy and opportunity texted me, tweeted me, linked to me, friended me, blogged me, and spammed me. I missed it because I was expecting a knock!

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Affordable Care Act

I'm just a regular guy studying the Affordable Care Act. I was surprised to read that you are no longer allowed to throw your back out...you have to recycle it.

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

National Public Television

I'm just a regular guy and I love National Public Televison. Last night I watched a factual documentary based on a fictional account of a true story that never happened.

Monday, May 25, 2015

Victim

I'm just a regular guy who knows that heat makes things expand. Therefore, I am not overweight, I'm a victim of global warming.

Donut Holes

I'm just a regular guy with this dietary tip: The healthiest part of a donut is the hole. Unfortunately, you have to eat through the rest of the donut to get there!

Inspiration

I'm just a regular guy, and for inspiration for my new diet, I placed a photo of myself on the corner of my computer screen. It was taken when I was thin and had a lot of hair. I think it was during my Mom's second trimester.

Pill Regimen

I'm just a regular guy starting a new regimen of pills today - 3 of them as a matter of fact. My doctor said they were necessary for my continued health. One blocks fat, one blocks carbs, and one blocks the refrigerator door.

High Tech Gear

I'm just a regular guy and I would climb the highest mountain and swim the deepest ocean for my dear Janet...as long as she would let me buy a bunch of cool high-tech gear for the trip.

Artichoke Heart

I'm just a regular guy reading the new medical guidelines under The Affordable Care Act. My insurance company will still pay for a transplant, but only if the surgeon uses an artichoke heart.

Financial Woes

I'm just a regular guy and I think I've discovered the source of our financial woes. We earn money 5 day a week, but we spend money 7 days a week.

Eating Peas

I'm just a regular guy who tricked his dog into taking his medicine by hiding it in a ball of cheese. Come to think about it, that's how my dear Janet gets me to eat peas!

Missing Socks

I'm just a regular guy and, man-o-man, did I have a weird dream last night. I dreamed I had a "near-death" experience. As I floated closer and closer to "the light," all my missing socks were there to greet me!

Hi-Def

I'm just a regular guy and I LOVE our new Hi-Def TV. Everything looks so clear, bright, and sharp...except politicians!

iPhone Six Plus

I'm just a regular guy thrilled with my new iPhone 6+. Yesterday I sent a photo to a friend, bought some music from the iTunes store, watched a movie, downloaded a book, trimmed my sideburns, and blended a smoothie.

iPhone Six Plus

I'm just a regular guy and I LOVE my new iPhone 6+. It really helps with productivity - especially when I turn it off.

Mental Health

I'm just a regular guy doing my best to stay healthy. I'm doing a little weights for muscular health, a little cardio for heart health, and a whole lot of chocolate for mental health!

Deflated Footballs

I'm just a regular guy with an important announcement: Did you know that SuperBowl Sunday is the 2nd largest "food day" on our calendars? It's 2nd only to Thanksgiving. So, while we may see some deflated footballs on Sunday, I doubt we'll see many deflated stomachs!

Award

I'm just a regular guy, happy to have received the "Employee of the Nano-Second" Award. It was great while it lasted.

Veterinarian Visit

I'm just a regular guy and I won't be as busy as a bee, as silent as a lamb, as eager a beaver, as sly as a fox, swimming with the sharks, flying with the eagles or dancing with the wolves until I've been thoroughly checked out by my veterinarian.

Fun Times

I'm just a regular guy and we have some friends coming over tonight for an evening of fun. We plan to ignore each other and stare at our iPhones while texting other friends.

Fruits and Veggies

I'm just a regular guy and I want to eat more fruits and vegetables. But I looked it up and, sure enough, they are not covered in the Affordable Care Act.

Diet Pizza

I'm just a regular guy whose wife has an awesome sense of humor. Last night she asked what I'd like for dinner and I told her pizza. After a little bit she yelled, "Come and get it!" When I got to the table, there was a salad. I asked, "What is that?" My dear Jan — "Cucumber slices instead of pepperoni, dressing instead of cheese, lettuce instead of crust...it's a diet pizza!"

Bigger Portions

I'm just a regular guy trying to psych myself out for a new diet. Yesterday I printed the monthly recipes with an extra large font. That way, the portions looked bigger.

My Favorite Vegetable

I'm just a regular guy and I've discovered that tapioca is my new favorite vegetable. I didn't know it was a vegetable until the other day when my dear Jan and I went to the Souplantation for lunch. There it was, right in the middle of the salad bar!

Foreign Oil

I'm just a regular guy and I've stopped using Italian dressing. I'm trying to reduce America's dependence on foreign oil.

Vegetarian Diet

I'm just a regular guy and I think there is one place where a vegetarian diet would be the most effective...Congress. Especially when the bill they pass is full of pork.

Buckets of Money

I'm just a regular guy and the reason I never made "buckets of money" is the companies I worked for never gave me a bucket.

Motivational Seminar

I'm just a regular guy and last night, I went to the GREATEST motivational seminar I've ever been to. The speaker stood up and said, "If you're here tonight instead of at home on your sofa, you're already a motivated person and don't need me. Good night, and thanks for coming."

Road to Success

I'm just a regular guy who has spent many years on the "Road to Success" only to find out that I've been driving in the wrong direction.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

No "I"

I'm just a regular guy and I've found there is no "I" in "My Dear Janet" unless you disable auto-correct.

Monday, March 9, 2015

Spam

I'm just a regular guy and when I get to heaven [to give an accounting of how I spent my time on earth], I don't want to find out that I spent 10.5 years of my life deleting spam from my eMails.

Friday, March 6, 2015

Tithe

I'm just a regular guy, a preacher, in fact, and I've never been good at sermon titles. I'm particularly not proud of last week's sermon: Tithe or Perish!

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Leadership Conference

I'm just a regular guy and I'm disappointed with a leadership conference I went to last week. Everyone attending thought they were in charge.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Leadership

I'm just a regular guy who has found the key to leadership, i. e. getting people to follow you. Just leave a trail of doughnuts.

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Monkey Wrench


I'm just a regular guy and recent economic conditions threw a monkey wrench in my retirement plans. Fortunately, I was able to sell the wrench on eBay for $20.00 yesterday.

Monday, March 2, 2015

Dead Diet

I'm just a regular guy and yesterday my diet died. Today, I'm baking a 5-cheese lasagna for the memorial service.

Friday, February 27, 2015

Hospital Food

I'm just a regular guy and, of course, hospital food is terrible. Who in their right mind would expect to eat like a King on merely $7,500 per day!

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Hip Replacement

I'm just a regular guy and I need hip replacement. I'm not nearly as hip as I used to be!

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Teacher

I'm just a regular guy who knows that life is a great teacher. Unfortunately, it gives way too many tests, and doesn't grade on the Bell-Curve.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Technology

I'm just a regular guy and I love new technology, but sometimes my learning curve is too slow. The other day I tried paying a bill using my new iPhone 6+ and accidentally paid $7605557425.

Monday, February 23, 2015

Exhausted

I'm just a regular guy and even after the grueling flight home from Israel, I was able to diagnose my computer problem: My SPILCHEK is suffering from exhaustion!

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Ketchup

I'm just a regular guy and I've stopped adding ketchup to my fries. It's too much like cooking.

Monday, February 9, 2015

Financial Strategy

I'm just a regular guy with a short-term and long-term financial strategy. Short-term: keep a little of my paycheck until Tuesday. Long-term: keep a little of my paycheck until Friday.

Friday, February 6, 2015

Rich

I'm just a regular guy who is rich beyond his wildest dreams. Unfortunately, my dreams were never very wild.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Stocking Stuffer

I'm just a regular guy whose humor is not so much appreciated. Janet caught me wrapping her Christmas gift this year. It was a leg I got from a store that was getting rid of its mannequins. "What's that for," she blurted out. "It's a stocking stuffer!"

Global Warming Victim

I'm just a regular guy who knows that heat makes things expand. Therefore, I am not overweight, I'm a victim of global warming.

Donut Holes

I'm just a regular guy with this dietary tip: The healthiest part of a donut is the hole. Unfortunately, you have to eat through the rest of the donut to get there!

Diet Motivation

I'm just a regular guy, and for inspiration for my new diet, I placed a photo of myself on the corner of my computer screen. It was taken when I was thin and had a lot of hair. I think it was during my Mom's second trimester.

Internet Link

I'm just a regular guy and a friend of mine told me there was life beyond the Internet, and that I should check it out. I told him to send me a link.

Laps

I'm just a regular guy and today, I did something I haven't done in many years. I went to a large pool at our vacation resort [about 120 ft at its longest and 60 ft at its widest). I haven't done a lap in a pool since we sold our house in Escondido about 10 years ago. So I thought I'd give it a try on the long side of the pool. To my amazement, I was able to do 30 laps. It was so stimulating and satisfying, I've decided to get up early and do it again tomorrow. Accept tomorrow, I'll try to actually swim one of those laps!

Pill Regimen

I'm starting a new regimen of pills today - 3 of them as a matter of fact. My doctor said they were necessary for my continued health. One blocks fat, one blocks carbs, and one blocks the refrigerator door.

High-Tech Gear

I'm just a regular guy and I would climb the highest mountain and swim the deepest ocean for my dear Janet...as long as she would let me buy a bunch of cool high-tech gear for the trip.

PreNup

I'm just a regular guy who will celebrate a 40th wedding anniversary in a few days. My dear Jan and I wanted to ensure our "until death do us part" promise. So we signed a PreNup guaranteeing that if we ever divorced, we'd get custody of each other.

Christmas Spirit

I'm just a regular guy with this helpful hint: If you keep the Christmas spirit in your heart throughout the year, there is less room for cholesterol.

New Affordable Care Act Guidelines

I'm just a regular guy reading the new medical guidelines under The Affordable Care Act. My insurance company will still pay for a transplant, but only if the surgeon uses an artichoke heart.

Financial Woes

I'm just a regular guy and I think I've discovered the source of our financial woes. We earn money 5 day a week, but we spend money 7 days a week.

Eat Your Peas!

I'm just a regular guy who tricked his dog into taking his medicine by hiding it in a ball of cheese. Come to think about it, that's how my dear Janet gets me to eat peas!

Weird Dream

I'm just a regular guy and, man-o-man, did I have a weird dream last night. I dreamed I had a "near-death" experience. As I floated closer and closer to "the light," all my missing socks were there to greet me!

Hi-Def

I'm just a regular guy and I LOVE our new Hi-Def TV. Everything looks so clear, bright, and sharp...except politicians!

Remote Control

I'm just a regular guy with this new "Serenity Prayer" — God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...without a remote control.

iPhone 6+ Can Do It All

I'm just a regular guy thrilled with my new iPhone 6+. Yesterday I sent a photo to a friend, bought some music from the iTunes store, watched a movie, downloaded a book, trimmed my sideburns, and blended a smoothie.

Soul Searching

I'm just a regular guy and today I feel the need to do a little soul searching. Which do you think is best - Google, Yahoo, or Bing?

Diversity

I'm just a regular guy and didn't realize how much I was into diversity. I just counted 25 different coffees for my Keurig.

Online Security

I'm just a regular guy who was warned this weekend [again] about online information security. I'm not worried in the slightest. I've encrypted all my files with my Captain Crunch Decoder Ring.

iPhone 6+

I'm just a regular guy and I LOVE my new iPhone 6+. It really helps with productivity - especially when I turn it off.

Cheating Diet

I'm just a regular guy on a diet that allows you to eat anything you want one day a week. The rest of the week I still eat anything I want, it's just not allowed.

Beatle's Workout

I'm just a regular guy getting in shape for all the walking we'll do on our trip to the Holy Land. I'm doing the Beatle's Workout - walking the long and winding road eight days a week.

Mental Health

I'm just a regular guy doing my best to stay healthy. I'm doing a little weights for muscular health, a little cardio for heart health, and a whole lot of chocolate for mental health!

History in the News

I'm just a regular guy and I've started only watching the History Channel. The news is much less depressing because I know we have already survived it!

What's In Your Wallet?

I'm just a regular guy with this ending to a modern-day fairytale: And they lived happily ever after...until the credit card bill arrived. What's in your wallet?

Deflated SuperBowl

I'm just a regular guy with an important announcement: Did you know that SuperBowl Sunday is the 2nd largest "food day" on our calendars? It's 2nd only to Thanksgiving. So, while we may see some deflated footballs on Sunday, I doubt we'll see many deflated stomachs!

Thin Man

I'm just a regular guy and there is a thin guy inside me just screaming to get out. No, wait...he's screaming for pizza!

Growing Older

I'm just a regular guy and of course I've gained a little weight. That's why they call it "growing" older!

Tired of Being Tired

I'm just a regular guy who wouldn't be so tired if I stopped wasting so much energy whining about how tired I am.

Health Department and FaceBook

I'm just a regular guy who thinks the Health Department should get involved with FaceBook. That way, they could give fines to anyone posting half-baked ideas.

Shades of Grey

I'm just a regular guy who thinks that One Shade of Grey is way too many.