Summer Vacation

I'm just a regular guy looking for that perfect spot for my summer vacation. I want to go as far off the beaten path as my WiFi will allow. 

Travel Agent

I'm just a regular guy and I went to my travel agent to book a cruise. She asked how much I wanted to spend. I gave her a dollar amount and she said, "If that's all you want to spend, I suggest you go home and watch the Travel Channel."

Cut and Paste

I'm just a regular guy and "cut and paste" technology is great, but I miss the taste of paste!

Retirement

I'm just a regular guy and all I'm asking from retirement is health, happiness, and harmony. And, bacon - lots and lots of bacon!

Optometrist

I'm just a regular guy and I got some bad news from my optometrist yesterday. It seems that my hindsight is no longer 20/20.

Worn Out Books

I'm just a regular guy and since retiring, I have two nearly worn out books. The second most worn out book is "Do It Yourself for Dummies." The most worn out book is "How to Get Others to Do It for Dummies!"

Leaky Faucet

I'm just a regular guy and this was our conversation yesterday ... 

ME: "OK, Babe. I've got my tools, and I'm ready to fix the leak." 

BABE: "OK, Sweetie. I've got the phonebook, and I'm ready to call the plumber!"