Cut and Paste

I'm just a regular guy and "cut and paste" technology is great, but I miss the taste of paste!

Retirement

I'm just a regular guy and all I'm asking from retirement is health, happiness, and harmony. And, bacon - lots and lots of bacon!

Optometrist

I'm just a regular guy and I got some bad news from my optometrist yesterday. It seems that my hindsight is no longer 20/20.

Worn Out Books

I'm just a regular guy and since retiring, I have two nearly worn out books. The second most worn out book is "Do It Yourself for Dummies." The most worn out book is "How to Get Others to Do It for Dummies!"

Leaky Faucet

I'm just a regular guy and this was our conversation yesterday ... 

ME: "OK, Babe. I've got my tools, and I'm ready to fix the leak." 

BABE: "OK, Sweetie. I've got the phonebook, and I'm ready to call the plumber!"

Unsafe Website

I'm just a regular guy and I want to tell you straight up, if a website asks you to sign in with your Social Security number, Mother's maiden name, bank account number, home address, phone number, and date of birth, it's not an extra security measure.

New Doctor

I'm just a regular guy and I've been trying to find a doctor since retiring to Phoenix, AZ. The first one I visited had a sign in the waiting room:

No after hours service
No eMails
No long procedures
No house calls
No "There there's" 
No pats on the back

His name was Dr. Dolittle