Blame

I'm just a regular guy who has reached the age when I can no longer blame things on my parents. I guess I'll pass the blame to my computer or the government.

Thanksgiving - A Revised History

I'm just a regular guy with this updated history: 

On the first Thanksgiving, the Pilgrims went to an Indian casino for the all-you-can-eat buffet.

Marriage

I'm just a regular guy and when it comes to marriage, I don't want a PRENUP, I want a WARRANTY!

Virus Software

I'm just a regular guy who knows that Virus Software doesn't work. Stupidity isn't a virus.

Ideas

I'm just a regular guy wondering if giving birth to a great idea qualifies for paid maternity leave.

Veggies

I'm just a regular guy and my favorite vegetable is pudding. I didn't know it was a vegetable until I saw it on a salad bar.

Thinking

I'm just a regular guy who thinks about going on a long walk every morning. At least my brain is getting a little exercise.